So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Randomize