fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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