my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cat food counts as protein by the way
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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