how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
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