all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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