Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
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I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
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Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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