Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
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I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
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The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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