i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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