Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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