took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize