My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize