God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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