I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
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I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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