We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize