it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
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I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
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Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
And then he peed in my hair
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