He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize