Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
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who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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