I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize