He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize