i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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