what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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