he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Someone came in the potted fern
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
We need a shit load of segways right now
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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