So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
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I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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