The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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