I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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