I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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