Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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