I wish you could order shots online.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
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James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
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He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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