So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
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It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
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The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
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