I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
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Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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