Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
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Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
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The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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