he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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