My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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