There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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