You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize