I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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