I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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