"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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