ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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