How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize