i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
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Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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