Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
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You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
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I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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