I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Randomize