I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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