tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
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It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
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My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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