I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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