Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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