you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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