I want to have your abortion
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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