He had one of those small greek statue penises
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
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Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
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I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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